McCoy's New Mood
by Carlotta's twin
Summary: McCoy wants to leave the Enterprise. Spock comes up with an ingenious? idea to make him stay, but it doesn't go according to planned... Contains happiness plants! FINISHED!
1. McCoy's Midlife Crisis

McCoy's New Mood

by Carlotta's twin

Summary: McCoy wants to leave the Enterprise. Spock comes up with an ingenious (?) idea to make him stay...

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek.

A/N: This takes place after 'This Side of Paradise'. It has to...Deltans make me laugh.

Chapter One: McCoy's Midlife Crisis

McCoy was sitting in sickbay, as usual. And as usual, he was in a grouchy mood. Ever since he'd left Omicron Ceti III, McCoy had been in a terrible mood. Chapel joked that she wished he was still under the spore's influence.

"Bones, what's wrong?" Kirk asked, walking into sickbay.

"Nothing is wrong, Jim. Everything is just perfect and splendid."

"You're being sarcastic."

"Really?" snapped McCoy.

"Don't talk to me like that." said Kirk. "I am the captain!"

"And I'm the doctor." growled McCoy. "And if I see you aren't mentally fit, then you aren't captain, Jim."

Kirk opened his mouth to retaliate, but sighed. _And Spock thinks McCoy can't argue logically_. "What's wrong?"

"I'm fine." McCoy snapped. "Now I've got business to attend to." Once Kirk left, McCoy opened a bottle of Romulan Ale and began to drink it.

The CMO sighed. "I'm a miserable, tired, old man." he told himself. Being so happy and carefree on Omicron Ceti III had taught him that. "I should just resign right now and go back to good ol Georgia. I could have a little clinic and forget all about Starfleet and-"

"Are you speaking to yourself, Doctor?" asked Spock. "That is highly illogical, as you are wasting breath when you are able to think out your problems instead of speak them."

"Oh, shut up, you pointy-eared hobgoblin." McCoy said. _On the other hand_, thought McCoy, _if I left the Enterprise I wouldn't be able to insult Spock anymore..._

"I am no hobgoblin. I am a Vulcan." Spock responded. "What is the dilemma that you were speaking to yourself about?"

"I was talking," said McCoy, "about leaving the Enterprise."

"Why?" asked Spock.

"What do you care?" snapped McCoy. "Well, you'd probably hate it if your verbal-sparring partner left..."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Our conversations are not 'spars', Doctor. They are discussions."

"To you, maybe." growled McCoy. "Now get out of sickbay or I'll assign you a physical."

"I am not afraid of your physicals, Doctor."

"Then I'll assign you one for tomorrow."

"That will not be necessary, Doctor." said Spock, leaving sickbay more quickly than normal.

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"Jim?" asked Spock, later on the bridge. "May I speak to you in private?"

"Of course," Kirk answered, walking over to Spock's station. "Did you find out what's wrong with Bones?"

"I walked into sickbay and heard him fantasizing to himself about leaving the Enterprise." Spock answered.

"Leaving. The Enterprise?" Kirk asked. "Why would Bones want to do that?"

"I do not know why, Captain."

McCoy entered the bridge. "Jim?" he asked. "How far are we from Earth?"

"Well, we are passing by on the way to Starbase 24." Kirk answered. "Why?"

"I'm requesting shore leave." McCoy answered. "Haven't used any of it up, so I thought, why not now?"

"Spock overheard you talking to yourself." Kirk admitted. "Why do you want to leave the Enterprise?"

"What have I got here?" McCoy argued. "No girl, no family, no nothing! At least when I'm home I'll be with my folks."

"This is no time for a mid-life crisis, Bones!" Kirk yelled. Uhura chuckled.

"Why not?" McCoy said. "What pressing issues are there? Is there someone in mortal peril we need to save? No. Everything is fine aboard the Enterprise, so I'll just take my shore leave now!" He stormed out of the bridge. "What are you laughing at, Lieutenant?" he growled at Uhura.

"This is bad, Spock." Kirk said. "We need Bones on the Enterprise."

"We do." agreed Spock. "He is a very able doctor."

"Is there anyway we can make him happier here? A party or something?" Kirk asked Spock.

"I do not believe that a party will help Dr. McCoy's foul mood." Spock answered. "I have an idea, Captain. I need to show you a project of mine."

Spock and Kirk went into the Science lab and entered Spock's private laboratory. In there was a new project of his: the 'happiness plant' from Omicron Ceti III. It was contained in a miniature greenhouse so no seeds could effect Spock or the crew again.

"I thought I had destroyed all of those plants." Kirk said.

"Throwing a plant across the bridge is hardly a means of destroying it." Spock answered.

"What's your plan with this?" Kirk asked, though he had a pretty good idea.

"If I could dilute the spores and spray them at Dr. McCoy, then perhaps he would begin to act more happy." Spock said. "The only problem is that I am not sure how to dilute the spores."

"We have to try it, Spock."

"Actually, Captain, we do not _have_ to try anything. Dr. McCoy could just take his shore leave then return aboard the Enterprise."

"Well, I don't like Bones leaving at all. I'll chain him to his seat if this doesn't work." Kirk growled.

"That would be a most illogical approach to keeping Dr. McCoy here."

"It'd be illogical, but it would be effective." Kirk answered.

Spock just raised an eyebrow. "I believe I can dilute the plant's spores into a tea of some sort. But who will give the tea to Dr. McCoy?"

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Scotty was on the bridge. He was fine tuning the overdrive warning features when something happened that drove even engineering out of Scotty's head (which is very hard to do, by the way). It was McCoy, throughly casual in tan khakis and a blue Hawaiian shirt.

"I don't think that's Federation regulated, Doctor." said Chekov, grinning.

"I don't give a damn." replied McCoy.

"You're still wearing blue?" asked Uhura. "Blue's really your color."

"It is." agreed McCoy. "I can't wait for shore leave."

"What are ya gonna do down there?" Scotty asked.

"Go to my folks for a while." McCoy answered. "Haven't seen em in ages. Then I'll probably go down to the Deltan convention in Hawaii. I was invited there, see. I'm an honorary Deltan." Sulu shoved his fist into his mouth to keep from laughing. "Oh, shut up, Mr. Sulu. I helped a noble Deltan mother give birth. She invited me to this convention for life." McCoy smiled. "It was great. Hot Deltan chicks in bikinis with _no_ oath of celibacy."

"Musta been great." Scotty replied, imagining the scene.

"It was, and will be." McCoy said.

"But sir," said Sulu, looking at the computer screen, "The Annual Earth Deltan Convention isn't for another...six weeks."

"I know." said McCoy.

"You'll have shore leave for six weeks?" asked Sulu.

"Six months." McCoy replied. "Six months of freedom."

"But ya canna do that!" Scotty cried. "Who'll give us physicals and heal us?"

McCoy rolled his eyes. "God, Scotty, you're acting like I'll die down there! It's only six months."

"What's only six months?" Kirk asked, walking on the bridge.

"Did you hear about this, sir?" Scotty said. "Why, McCoy's leaving us for six months."

"I'm aware of that." Kirk answered. "Unless he changes his mind." He winked at Scotty.

"I won't change my mind." McCoy said. "I can be as stubborn as a mule if I want to be."

"We are well aware of that fact, Doctor." Spock replied, also entering the bridge.

"You know what the best part of leaving the Enterprise will be?" McCoy told Kirk. "No Spock or any logic. Nothing but pure emotion down at Earth." The CMO grinned, while Spock tried to wrestle down a feeling of horror.

As the bridge members went back to their usual spots, and as McCoy left the bridge, Scotty walked over to Kirk and asked, "What do you have in mind, Captain?"

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McCoy lay on a bed in sickbay, reading about new medical drugs. "By God, I'm beginning to act like Scotty- actually reading about my job!" he shook his head. "Well, soon I'll be back at Earth with my folks and some Deltans. It's the perfect remedy."

"Dr. McCoy?" Scotty asked, walking in with some tea. "I made ya this with a little bourbon in it as well. You need a pick-me-up before ya beam down."

"I probably do." McCoy answered. "Bourbon- another great remedy," he mused to himself, slurping the 'tea.' "Tastes odd..." His confused look instantly turned into a grin. "Hello, Montgomery!"

Scotty sniggered. "Hello, Dr. McCoy." Kirk walked in, chuckling at McCoy's wide smile.

"Hey, Jimmyboy!" McCoy said, his Southern accent growing thicker with every word. "What a great day."

"It sure is." Kirk agreed. "I see you've finished your tea. Want something a little stronger at the Rec Room?"

McCoy shrugged in approval. "But wait Jimmyboy. I've got to go down to Earth!"

"Ah, come on Bones." said Kirk. "Stay up here on the Enterprise. Plenty of beautiful woman, liquor and adventure than anything down on Earth."

"That's true." admitted McCoy. "Well, I'll stay." Spock walked into sickbay. "Hi, Spock! How's my favorite Vulcan?"

"The tea was stronger than I had calculated." Spock said.

"Oh, to hell with calculations, Spocko." McCoy told him. "Let's go down and have some fun in the Rec Room!"

"That is illogical, Dr. McCoy." Spock answered.

"Fun ain't illogical at all, Spock!" McCoy replied, draping one arm around Spock's shoulder. "Let's go right now, y'all!" He wheeled Spock out of sickbay.

"That's going to be an interesting sight to see- Spock having fun. Let's watch."

After you review this, please check out 'How to Fight Vulcan Style' and 'Females are Illogical' both by me.

And...

What are Spock and McCoy going to do? Will the crew notice McCoy's new mood? And is the journey to Starbase 24 going to be as smooth as planned? Find out...in the next chappie!


	2. Rec Room Fun and Physicals

Thanks to all my reviewers! Please read and review my other stories...if I get one more review on 'How to Fight Vulcan Style' I'm putting up the next chappie! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chappie. I do...

D/C: Hmm... (looks at watch)...crap, still don't own Star Trek.

Chapter Two: Rec Room Fun and Physicals

The Rec Room was one of the best places to be on the Enterprise. And everyone knew the regulars. Uhura was usually entertaining a crowd with her singing or Scotty with his bagpipes. Chekov and Sulu loved to play a old Earth game called Frogger in a corner. Kirk was usually with a girl or two, and Spock always played 3-D chess with the computer. He used to play with people, but after a while everyone got tired of getting beaten. But McCoy spent next to no time at the Rec Room, unless he was forced to attend a party per the captain's orders. So imagine everyone's surprise when McCoy came bursting into the Rec Room with Spock, shouting, "Hey, y'all!" Chekov looked up in surprise, letting Frogger getting squashed. _Game Over_, the console said. "Aw, that's too bad, Pavel."

Kirk and Scotty walked into the Rec Room. The moment they saw McCoy grinning at everyone and nearly skipping around, they burst into laughter. They didn't even try to contain it, just letting the laughs escape. Spock gave them a 'Vulcan death glare'.

"Are you all right, Doctor?" Nurse Chapel asked.

"I'm fine, Christine!" McCoy answered. "Ne'er been better!" He pulled Spock over to the bar, the now mostly silent crew watching. "Want a pick-me-up before we have some fun, Spocko?"

"I do not consume alcohol, Doctor." he said. "It is illogical."

"Two whiskeys, please." McCoy told the bartender. Chekov and Sulu whispered something to each other, and nodded.

"We'll take you to your room, Doctor." Chekov said, tugging at McCoy's shoulders.

"You'll feel better in the morning." Sulu promised. "Just come with us."

"What are y'all doin?" McCoy asked.

"You've had too much to drink, Doctor." Chekov answered. "We'll take you back to your room."

"I haven't hardly anythin at all!" McCoy replied, pulling out his scanner. "Check me."

"It's true." Sulu confirmed. "Though there is something else in your system-"

Spock quickly grabbed the scanner out of Sulu's hands. "That is a miscalculation of the scanner, Mr. Sulu. Dr. McCoy is fine."

"Damn right I am!" the CMO answered, drinking his whiskey. He shoved the other glass into Spock's hands. "Drink up."

The Science Officer squirmed. _Perhaps it would have been better if he'd taken shore leave_, thought Spock. "No thank you, Doctor." he said.

"Your loss." McCoy said, drinking Spock's glass also. "Now, let's have some fun. I haven't had fun in years. I've been a grouchy son-of-a-bitch and I admit it. So have you, Spock. So let's loosen up." He looked around at the crew members, who were still shocked at McCoy's new mood. "Aw, what are y'all looking at?" The crew started speaking again, all about what had just happened. Several members, though, stole glances at Spock and McCoy, wondering what game the Doctor was going to force the Vulcan to play.

Kirk and Scotty finally regained themselves to a sitting position, Scotty red in the face and Kirk's hair askew.

"What do ya want ta do?" McCoy asked, his Southern accent worsening.

"Perhaps chess would be a soothing remedy for your behavior." Spock replied.

"Aw, chess is boring!" McCoy said. "Let's play ping pong!"

Kirk and Scotty dissolved into laughter once more.

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"Ping pong?" repeated Uhura, when Chekov told her the story. "What is wrong with Dr. McCoy?"

"He's not drunk." said Sulu. "And he's not grouchy. It's weird."

Uhura nodded. Spock walked into the bridge. "How was your ping pong game?"

"It was games in the plural, Lt. Uhura." Spock answered.

"McCoy won half the time." Kirk told her, walking on the bridge.

"Actually, Captain, Dr. McCoy won 51.371 of the games." Spock answered.

"Ah. Of course." Kirk said. "Well, I'm glad McCoy decided not to take shore leave after all...What's wrong, Lt. Uhura?"

"Nothing Captain, but...Permission to speak freely?" Kirk nodded. Uhura made a face. "I have a physical with McCoy today. What if he's still off his rocker like he was in the Rec Room? I'm used to a grouchy, angry McCoy. I can't deal with a happy one!" She sighed, and turned back to her console.

"I also have something to discuss with you, Captain." Spock said. "Privately." They went over to Spock's station. "I used lahiztormine to counter-act several side effects including disobedience and laziness. But lahiztormine has a side effect of its own: it has great durability coupled with great strength."

"What does that mean?" Kirk asked.

"It means..." Spock looked around. "That McCoy will keep being happy for...judging by the amount of spores he drank...3.21 years."

"Years!" cried Kirk.

"Yes, Captain. But the worst part is still to come. Dr. McCoy's good mood will increase by the minute."

"Which means?"

"McCoy will be happier and happier as the minutes wear on. His Southern American accent will keep increasing. Dr. McCoy will soon be the happiest man in this quadrant. And in humans...they cannot have too much emotion, or they will crack under the strain..."

"McCoy can die from being too happy?" Kirk said. Spock nodded.

"And the more happy Dr. McCoy becomes," Spock continued, "the less a chance to make him angry will occur."

"The more happier he becomes, the less ticked off we can make him to wear off the happiness plant." said Kirk. Spock nodded. "And if he becomes too happy...he'll die!" Spock nodded once more. "At least he'd die a happy man, something I'd never thought was possible."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "The odds were unfavorable, Captain."

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Uhura was quite nervous. McCoy had still not returned to normal- in fact, Chapel reported (who'd come by hour by hour to inform the crew of McCoy's condition) he seemed to be getting happier by the minute.

What is wrong with him? She had wondered. But her annual physical was today, and she had to report to him.

"Hello, Dr. McCoy?" Uhura asked, walking into sickbay. "Feeling better?"

"I've ne'er felt better in me life, lieutenant!" McCoy said. "And call me Leonard."

"Okay...Leonard..." Uhura replied, "I'm here for my physical."

"O' course ya are." McCoy said. "Lie down, please, so I can scan ya."

"Are you feeling alright, Doctor?" Uhura asked.

"I told ya ta call me Leonard!" McCoy answered. "And I'm fine."

"Why aren't you getting ready to beam down to Earth?" she asked.

"Why bother?" McCoy said. "Everything is fine here."

Uhura stared at him, brows furrowed in concentration. Then she realized why he was acting so odd! "Captain Kirk had said you were in a midlife crisis."

"Aw, what does ol' Jimmyboy know?" McCoy laughed.

"I think, Leonard, that you really are in a midlife crisis," Uhura said. "And you're just trying to deny it."

"I'm not in a midlife crisis!" said McCoy. "Everything is fine."

"You're in denial!" Uhura cried. "You felt miserable and depressed and now you're trying to deny it! Let your feelings out, Doctor! It's the only way! Don't try to bottle up your feelings!"

"I am not in denial of anything!" McCoy said.

"Agh!" Uhura yelled. "_Tokeo ya utafutaji kwa_!"

"I don't know what ya said," McCoy admitted, "but I ain't in denial."

The lieutenant shook her head. "You're hopeless." She stormed out of sickbay, forgetting about her physical.

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Kirk was seated on his captain's chair. He looked out on the screen to see his beautiful home planet- Earth.

"We're getting a call from Starfleet, Captain." Uhura told him. She had arrived on the bridge a half-hour before, looking grumpy and muttering in Swahili.

"Put them on, Lieutenant."

"Captain James Kirk?" someone asked. "This is Admiral Zhao. You are traveling to Starbase 24."

"Yes, Admiral." Kirk answered. "Is there something you need me to do?"

Zhao nodded. "Yes, Captain. You must go to the planet Yin III and persuade them to join the Federation."

"I will, Admiral." Kirk said. "Count on it."

"I shall." Zhao said. "I will be sending you information shortly. Zhao out."

"Spock?" Kirk asked.

"The species on this planet are very young, Captain." Spock said. "They have, only two years ago, counted as a civilization...not yet forged metals, and quite emotional...their planet is full of rich dilithium crystals."

"I'm scanning the place, Captain." Chekov told Kirk. "There are three Klingon wessels from the Klingon High Council orbiting it."

"They want Yin III too." Kirk said.

How will Kirk help the Federation's new problem? Will McCoy ever be free from the plant's influence? And in the event you don't know Swahili Uhura said 'Don't be in denial!"

Oh, and if anyone wants me to make a oneshot of Spock and McCoy playing ping pong, tell me on a review!!


	3. Just Wanna have Fun

A/N: If they don't put up a yellow alert when they spot a Kligon vessel, they should.

Chappie Three: "Just Wanna Have Fun."

"Chekov, alter our course to Yin III." Kirk told him. "Yellow alert. Sulu, put shields up. Scotty, phasers. Uhura, keep communications open and tell Yin III we come in peace."

"With shields and phasers powered, their really going to believe that." muttered Uhura, but she did as the captain ordered.

"Heeeey Jimmyboy!" McCoy said, walking on the bridge. "What's wi all em lights flashin round?"

"His accent is worse than Chekov's!" said Uhura. "And it's getting stronger."

"I wonder why." Kirk said, avoiding her eyes. "There's a yellow alert, Dr. McCoy."

"Call me Leonard." McCoy said. Spock raised an eyebrow. "Why look! There's them bird o' preys!"

"Yes, Bones." said Kirk. "We have to go to Yin III to convince them to join the Federation."

"Can I come wi y'all?" McCoy asked. "Ya know, on da landing party?"

Kirk looked at the smiling doctor. "Sorry, but no Bones. I don't think I'll need you there."

McCoy looked temporarily downcast, but then smiled again. "Well, I'll be off ta my room!" He skipped out of sickbay.

"It would be advisable to keep him in his room, Captain." Spock said.

"Put security guards at his room, and lock the door." Kirk commanded the redshirts.

"Aye, sir."

Kirk looked out at the Klingon vessels. "Spock, Scotty, Chekov, and Ensign Rogers, come with me. We're beaming down."

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They arrived at a lush, wet, humid valley. Spock instantly took out his tricorder to examine the plants. "Don't go too close to em, though." Scotty warned. "We do na want another happiness plant affecting us."

A woman with pale purple skin and orange eyes approached the landing party. "I sssss ams Sorrer, wife to Chief sssss Sor. Why ares you here?" she spoke with a heavy accent.

"I am Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise, representing the United Federation of Planets." Kirk said. "I-"

"He wishes to enslave you." growled a Klingon commander, appearing from nowhere. "I am Lord Gorgon."

"He lies." Kirk said. "We wish for you to join the Federation."

"The Federation will enslave your people," Gorgon growled. "Keep them from enjoying life."

"That is not true!" Kirk snapped.

Sorrer scoffed. "I haves heard of yous, Captains Kirk. You bring orders and regulations. That is not me people's ways."

"I do not comprehend what you are saying." Spock said. "Do you mean that you live in an anarchy, where there are no rules?"

"Rules are not for me people. We live by our heart." Sorrer said, poking Spock's chest. "Our heart."

"My heart lies here, Sorrer." Spock said, pointing to his side.

"He is a Vulcan." Gorgon said. "They only have logic; no emotions at all." Sorrer looked horror-struck.

"Magic hims backs to your vessel." she said. "Or he will be killed here. No emotion! Pss!" she spat at Spock's feet. Spock only raised an eyebrow.

"You have to show emotion!" Kirk growled at the First Officer.

"But Captain-"

"That's an order!"

"Ordering him to show emotion?" Chekov asked Scotty. "That is like telling a cat to behave like a lizard!"

Spock stared at Kirk for a few moments, then frowned. "I am only part-Vulcan, Sorrer." he told her. "I can show emotion...if I must." He managed a strained-looking grin. Sorrer looked pleased.

"Good. Yous may stay." she turned back to Kirk. "Why do yous want the diamonds?"

"Diamonds?" repeated Kirk.

"I think she means the dilithium crystals." Scotty said.

"Of course. No, that is not our reason for coming." Kirk told her. "We only wish to welcome you to the Federation for your own protection."

"Wes ares a friendly species." Sorrer said. "We need no protection."

Kirk sighed. "But-"

"That is whats I say." Sorrer said.

"Even friendly species are attacked." Spock said. "We, the Enterprise that is, have seen many species attacked who had never harmed anyone."

"They were probably attacked by you!" Gorgon snapped. "Now, Sorrer and I were speaking..."

Kirk groaned. "Gorgon's going to use them to get the crystals." he said. "Scotty, Chekov- you two and Ensign Rogers look around. Try to find out how we can win them over. Spock, you and I are going to appeal to the Chief himself, Sor."

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McCoy sitting in his room, playing virtual ping pong. Once he had beaten the computer, he tried to go out to speak to Jimmyboy.

"Please stay in your room, Dr. McCoy." a guard said.

"Ah, I won't cause any trouble." McCoy told him. "Why y'all here, anyways?"

"The captain ordered it."

McCoy laughed. "Jimmyboy can be so funny. Come on, let me out." The guards stayed put. McCoy frowned, but then laughed again. "Why, Jimmyboy thinks this is some game, huh? I bet he's thinkin, 'Can this good ol' country doctor escape?'. Well, I can." He punched the two guards and ran for it. "Funny game, Jimmyboy. I'll have to tell him I won." McCoy saw Uhura.

"Dr. McCoy, you aren't supposed to be out of your room!" Uhura said.

"Where's Jimmyboy?" McCoy asked.

"Down on Yin III." Uhura answered. "Why?"

McCoy only rushed off to the transporter room. Uhura quickly ran to the bridge. She had to warn the captain that McCoy was coming down!

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Scotty, Chekov, and Rogers were looking around, as ordered. A few little aliens went up and spoke to them. "Hello, big peoples." one said. "Want to play a game?"

"A game?" asked Rogers.

"Oh, yes, a fun one! We wanna have fun!" the little boy said. He went up and poked Scotty's leg. "You're weird. You don't look like us."

"That's cause we're from Earth!" Scotty said, growing fond of the little one.

"Wow. Can we go there?"

"Maybe when ya're older." Scotty replied. The little one beamed at him.

"Wanna play a game?" he asked again. Instead of waiting for a reply, he pulled Scotty's leg, grinning at him. "I like you. Let's play."

As Scotty was being pulled away by a child that reached his knee, other children crowded around Chekov and Rogers.

"Wanna play?" they asked. Chekov and Rogers looked at one another.

"Vell, this is finding out about vay of life." Chekov said. "Let's play."

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Kirk and Spock climbed up the valley and walked inside a teepee filled with...toys? "Affirmative, Captain." Spock said. "These are playing devices."

"But why... are they here?" Kirk asked.

"Whys are yous here?" asked a booming accented voice. It was Sor. "My wife told me yous were coming."

"The United Federation of Planets-"

"Bagh!" snapped Sor. "Don't quotes rules to mes!"

"Actually, Sor, it was a-" Spock began, before Sor cut him off.

"I no care whats it is!" Sor growled. "The peoples here live by emotion and happiness. You Federation only lives by rules! Ands yous two! You never crack a smile, never have fun. That not what Yin III is about!"  
"Fascinating, Captain." whispered Spock. "These people are so primitive they let emotion lead as a government."

"We do have fun." Kirk told Sor. "But we are here on serious business."

"Bagh!" Sor growled. "Serious? We haves no times for seriousness on Yin III. Now leave."

Kirk hung his head, and took out his communicator. But before he could open it up, it rang! "Uhura to Captain." it said.

"Yes, Lt. Uhura?" Kirk asked.

"It's about McCoy! He's beamed down, sir." she said. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Just stay put up there. Try to have some fun." Kirk said, with a glance at Sor.

"Fun?" Uhura asked.

"That was an order, Uhura."

"Um...aye, sir? Uhura out."

Just as the communication was broken, McCoy appeared. "Hey, Jimmyboy!" He looked around. "And Spocko and...I don't know ya! But I'm Leonard Horatio McCoy!" McCoy grinned at Sor and shook his hand.

"I am Sor." the chief introduced. "Leader of Yin III. I thought that humans and Vulcans of the Federation were...serious."

"Aw, humans ain't too serious at all." McCoy said. "And ol' Spocko? He's just a prick." McCoy laughed. "Ain't he?"

"Quite." Sor said, chuckling as well.

"Yes, he is!" Kirk agreed, smiling at the ticked-off Spock.

"Well, this is one fine lookin planet!" McCoy said, looking out through the teepee. "Better than a whole lot a Earth, but not me Georgia."

"Is thats a good place?" Sor asked.

"Mighty fine!" McCoy answered.

"I personally enjoy San Fransisco." Kirk said.

"I woulds wish to gos to this planet." mused Sor. "And whats do you thinks of the Federation, Leonard?"

"They can be pricks too," McCoy answered. "But they're alright at heart." He poked Sor's heart. The chief beamed at him.

"I wants to gos to this Federation at Earth." Sor said. "It seems, by Leonard's points of view, nice."

"McCoy being happy saved this mission." whispered Kirk to Spock.

"It was quite a turn of luck." Spock agreed.

"I thought you didn't believe in luck." Kirk said.

"Until now, I did not."

Sor went up to Kirk. "I am sorry fors not believings you. Leonard shows me the right path." He looked around, and began to laugh. "And looks! You're landings party shows fun too!" Scotty, Chekov and Rogers were playing hopscotch with the little ones and laughing.

Gorgon was busy talking to an amazed Sorrer. "Yous are really funs!" cried Sorrer. "You believes in our ways of lifes!"

"Yes, Sorrer." Kirk said. "And your husband agreed to speak with the Federation."

Gorgon growled. "What have you done, Kirk?"

"It wasn't me, Lord Gorgon." Kirk replied truthfully.

"Nor I." Spock said.

Finally, the landing party was ready to beam up. "Thanks you fors alls you've done, Leonard." Sor said. "It was a pleasures meeting you. Woulds you wants to be an ambassador here?"

"I'm a good ol country doctor, not an ambassador." McCoy replied. "But thanks for da offer."

"It was he who did this?!" Gorgon screamed, lunging at McCoy. He pulled out an awesome-looking Klingon knife and slashed McCoy's stomach. The doctor yelled in fright and collapsed, blood spewing everywhere. Kirk grabbed McCoy while Spock said, "There has been an injury. Have medics arrive in the transporter room. Energize."

The last sight they saw of Yin III was Sor and Sorrer attacking Gorgon, who hastily beamed up to his ship.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

"How is Bones doing?" Kirk asked Nurse Chapel later in sickbay.

"See for yourself." she answered.

Inside sickbay, McCoy was sitting in bed with a bandage across his stomach. "Something is wrong with him." Kirk said to Spock. "What is it?"

"He is not...smiling, Jim." Spock answered. "We have gotten used to it."

"Oh." Kirk said. "Right." He walked over the doctor. "Leonard?" he asked.

"Why the hell are you calling me Leonard?" growled McCoy. "Don't you dare call me that again, Jim."

"He appears to be back to normal." Spock said.

"Normal?" asked McCoy. "When have I changed? And why am I here..." he trailed off as his memory returned to him. "JIM! SPOCK!"

"We only tried to make you happy!" Kirk cried.

"You know what would make me happy now?" McCoy asked, grabbing a lethal-looking medical instrument. "Seeing how your insides work!"

"Dr. McCoy?" Nurse Chapel asked. "Starfleet called. It is giving you a Peace Medal for convincing Yin III to join the Federation."

"Peace Medal, huh?" McCoy said. "Well, I won't kill you, Jim. I'll just give you a physical."

Kirk moaned, but brightened up. "Well, actually Bones, you'll have to wait on that."

"And why is that?"

"Because you'll have to go down to Earth for your Peace Medal ceremony." Kirk chuckled. "I guess you will be getting that shore leave after all."

"Let me get this straight." McCoy said. "You put me on a happiness plant so I wouldn't go down to Earth."

"Yes."

"But now, because of being on the happiness plant, I have to go down to Earth."

"Yup."

There was a pause.

"How ironic." Spock decided to say.

"That's one way of looking at it."

FIN

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